


Parenting

by loubellcher



Category: Chicago Med
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Light Angst, Manstead - Freeform, Multi, Parenthood, Unplanned Pregnancy, rhekker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2020-05-07 09:59:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19207078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loubellcher/pseuds/loubellcher
Summary: Having a baby is scary and thrilling at the same time, and the road to parenthood is full of surprises and joys. In which Connor and Ava prepare to have their child, at the same time they have no idea what to do.





	1. PROLOGUE

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, guys! I've decided to write an AU about Rhekker. I've loved them since the start, but Chicago Med writers destroyed everything I loved, so I'm taking matters in my own hands. The story will be set in San Francisco, and they aren't doctors! I thought it would be better like this. Hope you guys like it!
> 
> PS.: English is not my first language, so please if you find any mistakes let me know.
> 
> PS2.: I think it's going to be a long fic.

**2011**

The first thing Ava notices when she wakes up with a excruciating headache is that she isn’t in her dorm. She looks around, trying to remember last night and whose apartment is this, but nothing comes to mind. 

Ava, then, notices not only she had slept in someone else’s bed but she is also naked. She doesn’t know what happened, but is already regretting every minute of it.

Clothes scattered all around the floor, room smelling like beer and, well, sex. This is the scenario of a night she can’t quite remember.

“Fuck,” she says under her breath. She rolls in the bed and the man--that she probably had sex with last night--is lying on his stomach, sleeping heavily. 

With the room drowned in silence, Ava gets up and looks around. She picks up her clothes and goes to the bathroom. When she closes the door, a deep breath comes out of her. _What did she do last night? Who is that man? Did he wear a condom?_ Gosh, she shouldn’t have drank that much. Okay, she was broken-hearted, feeling terribly betrayed, but she should have stayed at her dorm and studied for her finals.

“Let’s just get out of here, Ava Bekker,” she whispers to herself while putting on her pants and blouse, “this was a bad idea.”

After being fully dressed, Ava goes to the sink and washes her face. Her head is pounding and her stomach is struggling with a terrible nausea. She looks at herself in the mirror and doesn’t like what she sees. Dark circles under her eyes, dry saliva at the corner of her upper lip and even her eyebrows looks messy.

An urge to throw up gets to her, but Ava swallows hard, thinking that she can’t puke in a stranger’s apartment. She will do it when she gets home.

Again, she takes a deep breath, and decide it is time to leave before the strange man wakes up and everything gets awkward.

As soon as she opens the door, the man whom she slept with, is no longer lying on the bed, but standing next to the nightstand, buttoning his navy blue shirt. It got awkward.

“Oh, hey, there you are!” He exclaims, as if he is happy to see her.

“Were you looking for me?”

“Yeah, I thought you left.”

Silence takes over the room again. No one wants to talk, but at the same time both are trying to get out of this uncomfortable moment.

Ava frowns, “So, last night… Did we…?”

“Had sex? Yeah, we did.”

“Oh, great,” she mutters. “I didn’t want to ask this, but did we wear a condom? Not to be rude, but I’m only a month away from my graduation and I really, really, didn’t wanna deal with this right now.”

“Uh…”

“Oh, God.”

“We didn’t. I was about to get one, but you said you couldn’t wait any longer. So…” He shrugs.

“This is a nightmare.” Ava starts to wander in the bedroom, looking for her purse. “I had sex with a complete stranger, I didn’t wear a condom. Right now I can be pregnant with a STD, and I don’t even know your name!”

“It’s Connor.”

She turns her head to look at him, “What?”

“My name is Connor. Connor Rhodes. And you are Ava Bekker, right?” He notices her frowning again. “You told me last night.”

The bedroom becomes quiet once again as they stare at each other, looking closely at every characteristic. Ava gazes at his blue eyes, as if they were two big examples of what sky looks like. She wonders if his black hair is naturally black or if he dyes every month. 

Connor likes the way her long blonde hair is disheveled and her brown eyes are alert, asking questions without her saying any word. He likes her lips. He likes even more when she smirks, the way Ava did yesterday. 

He wants to know more about her. She is curious about him. Last night wasn’t enough.

“We could go to a drugstore, get a morning-after pill maybe,” Connor says. He sees relief in her face and can’t help but smile.

“That would be great, but you don’t have to come along. I can do this by myself.”

“No, we did this together, so let’s solve this problem together.”

______________________________________________________

“Why there are so many of them? They all do the same thing,” Connor says, while Ava and him look at the shelf of morning-after pills.

“Gosh, why did I drink?” Ava asks herself in a whisper, placing her fingers in the bridge of her nose. She looks at Connor, tiredness all over her face. “My head is killing me. I can’t choose. You do this for me.”

“Fine.” He grabs a white and blue box and looks at her. “Plan B. That’s a good name for a pill.”

Ava laughs, “Especially this kinda pill.”

None of them moves, it’s like they are stuck to the floor. They are involved in this weird and sudden bond and they know after they leave the drugstore, things might be over for them.

“Your accent,” Connor begins, “where are you from?”

“South Africa. Moved to San Francisco when I was thirteen. You?”

“Born and raised here.”

They look at each other, smiling briefly and looking down right after.

“Well, I guess this is it. Let’s buy a Plan B,” Ava jokes, smiling.

They got to the cashier and she looks at them, judgmental. Ava and Connor exchange an embarrassed look, wishing they could just disappear from this awkward situation.

“Forty-three dollars,” the cashier says.

“I’ll pay,” Connor offers. He takes his wallet from his pocket and hands the money. “You can keep the change.”

They leave the drugstore, Plan B in hands and a deep feeling of discomfort. They stop at the sidewalk, staring at each other once again. People come and go, but Connor and Ava stay there, relishing the moment, postponing their goodbye.

The sun is up and warm, it’s May and Summer is just around the corner. Everything seems alive and new. Like every beginning.

“You know, why we don’t get a brunch?” Connor suggests.

Ava smiles, “Morning-after pills and scrambled eggs. I think it’s a good combination.”

“So… let’s do this?”

Ava nods.

“Yeah, let’s do this.”


	2. SIX WEEKS AND FIVE DAYS

**June 28, 2019**

“I don't know why we're here,” Ava mutters, annoyed. “I just _fainted_. Probably my blood pressure dropped.”

“The last time you _just fainted_ , we found out you had anemia. Remember that? I won't risk it now,” Connor replies, crossing his arms.

An hour ago they were celebrating their five-year wedding anniversary with French food and champagne. Now they're in the ER, waiting for Ava's test results. 

Out of the blue, Ava passed out at the dinner table while Connor reached her the champagne. When she woke up, she didn't want to go to the hospital, but today, his stubbornness won out.

"It's nothing, you'll see." She sits straight on the stretcher as she stares at the spiky needle in her arm. “God, why did I agree with you? It's Friday, and by this time we should be having sex. ”

Connor frowns, “Already?”

“Sure, I'd skip dessert.”

“You would skip peach cobbler to have sex with me?” He whispers. "I'm very flattered."

Ava laughs, and for a minute, forgets that they are in the hospital and she's a little apprehensive. She can't have anemia again, because last time Connor had been so worried he texted asking what she had had for lunch. She definitely didn't want that text exchanging again.

“Mrs. Bekker-Rhodes?” The nurse enters the cubicle where they are, a tablet in hand. “The results are here.”

“So?” Connor asks, concerned.

"It's all right. The faint was the result of low blood pressure, but there's nothing to worry about.”

“I told you,” Ava says.

“But there's one more thing.” The nurse looks from Ava to Connor, and back again. She shows them the tablet with all the necessary information. “According to your results, you're pregnant.”

The world stops at that moment. The entire hospital is silent, and Ava and Connor can hear their hearts beating in their ears. A year ago, they would be hugging and crying with happiness at this news. Now they are having trouble absorbing it.

_Pregnant_. The word burns in Ava's ears. It doesn't seem right for her. She can feel the anxiety growing in her veins as the seconds pass by, and Nurse Simmons stares at them.

“If you want, you can discuss the options for this moment.”

“No, no. It's nothing like that,” Ava intervenes. “We're just shocked. Quite surprised. We weren't planning.”

“Actually, we’d stopped planning,” Connor says.

The nurse nods, a little embarrassed. Patients who overshare are more frequent than she would like.

“I'll leave you alone and see her discharge papers.”

When the nurse leaves, Ava can't face her husband. In a minute, they were joking, now she has no nerve to look into his blue eyes and talk about this situation.

Not that they don't want to have a baby, but Ava and Connor have had their great amount of disappointment when it comes to children. Unsuccessful attempts, a loss, the feeling of hopelessness. All of these have deeply undermined them, and now they cannot be happy, because their thoughts are directed to the worst possible outcomes. 

They want to be happy, but fear is greater than that.

"A baby," Connor says.

"Yeah, a baby."

And silence swallows them again. And everything is quiet between them, from leaving the hospital to getting home. Ava sits on the couch and stares at the turned off TV in front of her. What does she need to do now? Take vitamins? Tell someone? Or pretend she didn't hear the news of her pregnancy and drink all the champagne left on the table?

“Ava?” Connor calls her. When she stares at him, with her two hazel eyes shouting 'I'm completely lost now', he swallows hard. He also feels lost. “Maybe we should call a doctor tomorrow.”

“Yeah, maybe we should.”

Connor sits next to her, resting his arms on Ava's shoulders and kissing her left temple lightly.

“I know it's a lot to process--”

”--I don't know what happened. Did I forget to take any pills? I was being careful and…” Ava looks at Connor, and recognizes her gaze on his. “We've been here before and the results were not good. I don't know if I can get through this again. ”

“We won't tell anyone or have hope. Let's just deal with it until you reach twelve weeks.”

“Thirteen. I want to make sure.”

“Okay, thirteen weeks.”

Ava lies on Connor's chest and tries to take a deep breath, because maybe if her breathing is different from that other time, if she eats other things or drinks more water, this baby could actually be born. And she can be assigned as a mother. Connor said not to have hope, but her heart is full of it.

A baby. _Their_ baby.


	3. SEVEN WEEKS AND ONE DAY

**July 1, 2019**

This is the worst way to start Monday. Ava has vomited three times, and is sitting on the edge of the tub waiting for the fourth. She has nothing left in her stomach, and somehow her body is ready to expel yet more amorphous and smelly content. For a minute she had forgotten how horrible morning sickness is.

Ava hears the rustle of sheets, knowing Connor is getting up and going into that bathroom at any moment. The door opens, and Ava bends over, feeling an overwhelming sickness.

“Morning sickness?” Connor asks, even though he knows the answer. He sits beside his wife in the tub, caressing her back. "Do you want something? A tea, maybe?”

“No, I'm fine within my possibilities.” Ava sighs, staring at the toilet and grimacing in disgust. “I want to forget that I'm pregnant, but my body keeps reminding me. I feel betrayed by myself.”

“It's a little hard to ignore a human being growing inside you.”

“I noticed that.” Ava gets up and washes her face in the white sink. “I called Dr. Lockwood on Saturday. I have an appointment on Wednesday.”

“What did she say?”

“She was surprised. But I think that's everyone's feeling right now.” Ava wipes her face with the towel, and a stronger sickness takes over. “We talked a little on the phone and she managed to give me an estimate of how many weeks I'm in.” That's it, the fourth puke of the day is on its way. "I think you should get out."

The minute Connor leaves the bathroom, Ava throws up again. She washes her mouth then, and when she realizes that the morning sickness is slowly dissipating, she hears a knock at the door.

“Do you want me to be with you? I can call Reese and have her take care of Amelia's Garden.”

“No, no.” Ava opens the door. “Reese will ask you why you can't go, and we both know you're a terrible liar. Go to work, I'll be fine.”

“If you insist.” Connor puts his hand on her shoulder, and strokes it lightly with his thumb. “You need to eat something now. Come on, I can make some tea and toast.”

“Aren't you going to make coffee?”

Connor frowns, intrinsically to him. "You can't drink coffee now, remember?"

Ava sighs deeply. She will never be able to ignore what is happening until the thirteenth week.

* * *

“What happened?” Sarah Reese asks the minute Connor enters the flower shop. He stops at the door, frowning, and Sarah shrugs. "What's it? You have that expression you always do when you're worried.”

"It's nothing," he mutters, going to the cashier.

“Come on, can you tell me.”

“Has Reese told you her news yet?” Aubrey, the 20-year-old blonde girl asks, popping up out of nowhere beside Connor. Inside his head, he appreciates the appearance of the employee. “She's not a single woman anymore.”

Connor arches his eyebrows, and gives a kind, relieved smile, “Cool, who is she?”

Sarah licks her lips, and looks at her white sneakers. She swallows, hoping that by some miracle her boss and friend will be distracted by something else.

“Reese…” Connor asks suspiciously, “Who is she?”

“She got back together with Lily,” Aubrey replies.

"Oh come on, Reese," Connor complains. “That girl has hurt you more times than I can count. Why do you keep coming back to her?”

“We talked yesterday.”

“You didn't talk, you spent the night together,” Aubrey countered.

"Still, she made very solid arguments," Reese mumbles, giving a smile that is between pleased and malicious.

“Whatever, I have a delivery to do,” Aubrey says, leaving the flower shop.

Sarah rolls her eyes at her co-worker's dramatic exit, and refocuses on Connor. She examines his expression, and looks for evidence of what is going on. She is about to give up when she sniffs and smells a strange smell coming from him, almost disgusting.

Wait... She has already smelled that... _aroma_ coming from him before.

“Ava is pregnant.” It's not a question, and the way Connor widens his eyes toward her, Sarah Reese knows she got it right. "Oh my God, that's wonderful!" She hugs him, but Connor steps back shortly after. “What's wrong?”

“She can't know you know. Ava doesn't want to have hopes with this baby, so please pretend you don't know anything until we reach 13 weeks.”

Reese nods, “Sure, sure, my mouth is closed.” She smiles, and Connor rolls her eyes laughing, knowing she's dying of curiosity. “May I have some details?”

“We found out Friday. Ava passed out and I took her to the emergency room. We weren't planning anymore, but it happened.”

“I know things didn't go as planned a few months ago, but this time… It'll work out, you and Ava will have a beautiful baby, and I'll spoil them to the point of you never calling me back to babysit this child.”

Connor laughs, “Deal. But I have a condition.”

“Anything.”

“I don't want my future kid near Lily.”

* * *

“Sorry for the delay, my last patient took longer than expected,” Dr. Charles apologizes, as soon as he opens his office door to Ava.

She nods, not really caring about the time. Ava also sometimes takes longer than necessary when she is with the psychologist she has known for eight years.

Their first conversation was about Michael Cox, Ava's ex-boyfriend, and how he broke her heart into so many pieces that she couldn't put them together on her own. Then she talked about Connor, his family, her family, and when she least realized it, Dr. Charles had a clear and precise view of every aspect of her life. 

She sits on the brown leather sofa, and crosses her legs. Dr. Charles's office is cozy, smells like coffee--though Ava has never seen a coffee maker nearby--and tissues are always within reach.

“So… what's this week's topic?”

“I'm pregnant.”

Dr. Charles arches his eyebrows and gives Ava a shy smile. He's happy for her. Six months ago, she was… destroyed. She barely spoke to him, cried a lot, and didn't know how to express her feelings properly, and when she got home, Ava buried everything she felt inside her so that no one knew how much her miscarriage affected her in more ways than she could imagine.

“I didn't know you two were trying again.”

“We weren't.”

“Oh…” Daniel looks at his notepad, writing something right away. “The fact that you didn’t plan this baby brings you any kind of anxiety?”

“ _Every_ kind of anxiety.”

“Especially because of the last pregnancy?”

“Especially because of that,” Ava swallows, holding a cry in her throat. She doesn't want to start showing her sadness right now, she still has 48 minutes left for that. “I'm afraid of losing this baby too. I don't think I could get through this again.”

“It's normal that you have a negative stance on that. Your last pregnancy was complicated and you had a difficult journey after your loss.”

“So I decided that I will forget that I'm pregnant until I am 13 weeks pregnant. I'll just remember there's a baby inside me when I get nauseous or when I put on pants and realize it's tight at the hips.”

Dr. Charles straightens his glasses, and stares at his patient,“When you get to 13 weeks what memories do you want to have from the beginning of your pregnancy? Do you really think this is the best approach to dealing with this news?”

Ava purses her lips. She knows this is not the best approach, but not having expectations is much better than being disappointed later. If the worst happens, she will be prepared.

“No hope, no disappointment.”

“I think you need to have hope. It's okay if you don't want to tell people you're pregnant by the second trimester, fine, but I don't think you should distance yourself from your baby. You must create a bond. This is a relationship that will last forever, Ava. You two will have something unique and lasting. Start now. Talk to them, eat healthy, and take care of yourself.”

Ava feels free to let the tears fall, “But what if everything goes wrong?”

Dr. Charles smiles, optimistic and considerate, “What if everything goes well?”


	4. SEVEN WEEKS AND THREE DAYS

**July 3, 2019.**

“Are you nervous?”

Connor's question suddenly makes Ava uneasy. Should she be nervous? They've done it before, she knows the step by step of that whole procedure. Dr. Lockwood will look _inside_ her, see if that there is a baby, and tell her how many weeks they have been there. That’s it. 

“It's an ultrasound, not a surgery. Why would I be nervous?” She asks, propping herself further on the stretcher, making her skin crawl as it touches the cold leather. “I feel… weird, but not nervous.

“Weird?”

“I can't explain. But the familiarity with this situation is horrible. We saw the baby on ultrasound, heard their heartbeat. Two weeks later, I had none of that.”

Connor takes Ava's hand, and plants a kiss on her forehead. He knows what she means when she says she's feeling weird. He is too. Since they learned of their pregnancy, they have been living déjà-vu all the time, and they are afraid of feeling familiar by the time they reach the tenth week. Ava doesn't want to feel that same pain, nor to have that same dread creeping up her legs as blood trickles go the other way. Connor doesn't want to get a call from Parker, Ava's older sister, saying he needs to run to the hospital. They do not want to hear those words a second time.

_I'm sorry, but there is no heartbeat anymore._

"Mrs. Bekker-Rhodes, happy to see you here again," Dr. Lockwood says, entering the room with such a friendly and optimistic smile that Connor almost forgets what was the situation that he last saw her. “Let's find out more about this baby, shall we?”

Ava and Connor nod at the same time, trying not to look too anxious.

"From what I understand in your call, this is a big surprise," Dr. Lockwood speculates, picking up the ultrasound wand and putting a condom on it, then covering it with lubricant.

“A huge surprise,” Ava replies, noticing the procedures the doctor does. “Can you look sideways for a minute please?” She whispers to Connor.

He does what she asks, and soon after Ava squeezes his fingers, a sign that he can now look.

“Let's see…” Dr. Lockwood looks at the monitor, examining all the information it shows her. “Well, we only have one baby, your pregnancy is developing normally in the womb, so one less worry. And…” she looks closer, checking the size, “according to the date of your last period and what we have here, I'd say you're 7 weeks and 3 days pregnant.” Dr. Lockwood looks at Ava, “Every Sunday a new week starts for you and the baby, all right?”

“So my due date would be…” Ava does the math quickly, but the doctor is faster.

“February 16.”

“A winter baby,” Connor mutters.

"Yeah, that's right." The doctor smiles, looking at both of them, and then looking at the monitor. “We have the baby's heartbeat.”

It's a galloping sound that echoes around the room. By hearing the first sound that indicates the presence of a living being inside her, Ava squeezes Connor's fingers, materializing that moment at the feel of his touch. It's their baby. Their baby giving their first sign of life, telling them that all is well for now.

Ava doesn't look at Connor, but she knows he's crying. These are shy tears that would take time to recognize them, yet she knows they are there. She could feel Connor's cry from miles away.

She also wants to cry, wants to enjoy this moment as Dr. Charles has recommended, but something prevents her. Fear is greater than emotion. She had heard a heartbeat before, and soon after hearing and getting emotional, she heard from the doctor that the heartbeat was a little slow than it should be and that they should pay more attention and investigate further.

“The beats are normal,” Dr. Lockwood assures, as if reading Ava's mind.

“Are you sure?”

“85 beats per minute.”

Ava smiles. Numbers and facts are all she needs to hear.

* * *

Seven weeks and three days. By Ava's account, on August 11, she will be thirteen weeks pregnant. On August 11th, she'll be able to breathe a lighter air, her worries will be a little less, and she'll be able to call her family, Natalie, Reese, hell, she'll even be able to tell Anna, her horribly perfect neighbor with children of too exotic names, that she is expecting a baby.

"It looked promising," Ava says, in the car, as they head back to the apartment. “The beats were too slow the other time.”

Connor tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, searching for an appropriate response. Hope is taking hold of him, because Ava is hopeful. He was the one who said they should have no hope, but the other day, he was researching names, strollers, and what the baby could eat when they were six months old. 

"Yeah, I think the right word is promising." The signal goes red, and he leaves the car in neutral, waiting for the green color to appear at the traffic light above their heads. “Avey, I know you said we shouldn't have hope, but…”

“We should have hope.”

He looks at her, but Ava doesn't do the same.

“Dr. Charles said many women, when they become pregnant after a miscarriage, become very anxious and cannot enjoy the pregnancy because they just want the baby to be born. They don't buy clothes, they don't search for names, they don't even set up a room for the baby. And… I don't want that. I'm scared to death of what might happen, but hear the baby's heart beating and listen to dr. Lockwood talking about the 85 beats per minute gave me hope. I want to do this, I want to look at a pair of little shoes in the window and think 'this would look great on my kid', I want to complain to you about how strangers are touching my belly to feel the baby kick. I want all of this. I don't want to look at our kid when they are born and have no good memories of those nine months. ”

The light turns green, and Ava finally stares at her husband,“Connor, the traffic light.”

“Oh, yeah.” Connor starts the car again, but soon parks. He takes off his seat belt and looks at Ava again. This time she stares at him. “I was wrong when I said we shouldn't have hope. This is a moment that we have waited for a long time. It shouldn't be like that, we can't let it be.”

Ava leans over and kisses Connor's cheek, his beard lightly brushing her lips. “Do you want to research exotic baby names and bet which Anna would pick if she was pregnant?”

Connor laughs, “I'll wait all day for this.”


	5. EIGHT WEEKS AND FOUR DAYS

**July 11, 2019**

He loves and hates having lunch with Henry. He loves because Henry is his brother and always tells fun stories. He hates because Henry decides to exhibit a passive-aggressive attitude when Connor least expects it. His older brother always finds ways to blame Ava for leaving his career as a lawyer, and loves talking badly about marriage, as if it were an incurable disease to which everyone is condemned. According to Henry, marriage is where dreams go to die.

Needless to say, Henry is a 40-year-old single man who has never been with a woman for more than two days.

"We missed you last brunch," Henry says, biting a bite of the Spruce burger he'd ordered. Soon after, he takes a sip of Jameson in his glass, which reminds Connor of his father. It is in the little things that he finds Cornelius's DNA in his brother.

"Yeah, I didn't feel like going this weekend," Connor replies, taking a bite of his New York steak.

“The fact that mom invited Robin to our brunch was a decisive factor for you to not feel like it?”

Connor sighs. “Maybe.”

“I can't imagine what it must be like for you. Having to avoid your own family just to please your wife. Isn’t it exhaustive? Marriage and all its complications?”

Here we go. The passive-aggressive attitude out of nowhere. The most discreet way to criticize Connor and his life choices is yet the most outrageous way to do so.

“You'll never understand what it's like to have to work hard and compromise on a marriage.” Connor takes a sip of his cold water. “Besides, if my family didn't insist on keeping in touch with my ex-girlfriend, I wouldn't miss Sunday brunches. I can't risk my relationship. Especially now.”

“'Especially now'?” Henry frowns, and realizes that his brother is disconcerted, unsure how to act. “Is something going on between you two?”

Connor stares at his brother, pondering whether or not to tell Henry about Ava's pregnancy. The first time she got pregnant, he said nothing, just congratulated them, but never said anything about the future baby. When Ava lost the baby, Henry said even less. Connor doesn't know if he didn't know what to say or just didn't care. He clings to the hope that it was the first option.

But it's his brother, and Connor hates to hide anything from him, especially when it comes to his personal life. It seems wrong and insensitive to keep something so important from his brother's life.

“Ava… Ava is pregnant.”

Connor can't say how his brother is processing the news. His face shows no expression, so Connor thinks that maybe Henry is sinking in what his brother has just said. It's weird, though. Henry keeps a blank stare and swallows hard, as if he doesn't understand what's going on.

“Again?”

“Yeah.”

“Uh…” Henry clears his throat. “Congratulations, I think. I don't know if you were planning this child, but congratulations. It's good to know that you moved on. ”

“From that? You're afraid to say that Ava had—”

“Connor, we all know what happened to Ava.” Henry takes a sip of whiskey, organizing his thoughts as the liquid scrapes down his throat. “I'm sorry, by the way. I feel that I should have been a more present brother. You two have been through this tragedy alone.”

Connor raises his eyebrows, genuinely surprised. He can count on his fingers how many times Henry has apologized to someone. Marks of the rigid and focused on an almost toxic masculinity Cornelius’ parenting style. _A real man never apologizes because a real man is never wrong._ Ugh. Connor can almost hear his father's voice uttering such heavy words.

"Thank you. That means a lot.”

“Are you ready for this pregnancy? It's only been six months since… Well, since it all happened.”

“Henry, you can say that Ava lost her baby or Ava had a miscarriage. No need to limit yourself to that,” Connor says, a little impatient. In the first weeks following the miscarriage, people were extremely careful, afraid to say a word or express joy around them. It annoyed Ava deeply. She didn't expect people to mourn like her, but she didn't expect people to treat her like a porcelain doll. “…And I think we are ready. I mean, when are you really ready to have a baby?”

“I don't know. I'm the least expert on this sort of thing,” Henry laughs and Connor accompanies him. He clears his throat once more. “I'm happy for you, Connor. Really. You deserve to have your baby.”

“Thank you.” Connor smiles sincerely. “Oh, and don't tell anyone yet. Ava wants to wait until she is thirteen weeks to tell the news to everyone.”

Henry raises his glass of whiskey, “Your secret is safe with me.” Hank looks at Connor, and notices his softer, hopeful expressions. “You look happy about it. Were you guys planning?”

“No. It just happened.”

“Maybe that means something.”

“Do you believe in signs of the universe now?” Connor mocks.

“I think it doesn’t hurt to have faith in a few things.”

* * *

Natalie is good with surprises. She always knows the perfect gift, or the perfect moment, or even the perfect party. Forget it. She is great with surprises. That's why she's in the elevator at lunchtime with a bowl of lentil salad--Ava's favorite--in her hand on her way to her best friend's apartment. 

She gets to Ava's floor, which is her floor too, and knocks on her door.

“Guess who came here to have lunch with you?” She asks, and waits for a minute, but gets no answer. “It's me, your best friend since you were 13, remember?” No answer yet.

Natalie frowns, and takes the spare key from her jeans pocket, opening Ava and Connor's apartment. As she enters, she hears some strange noises in the master bedroom bathroom. Natalie drops everything she has with her in the kitchen and runs over to find Ava throwing up everything she can. "Oh my God!" Natalie exclaims, rushing to pull her friend's hair back, having a vague memory of a horrible Valentine's Day party in high school.

"I'm sorry you had to see this," Ava mutters, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Natalie presses the flush to her, who sits in front of the toilet. “God, this is bad.”

“What happened? Food poisoning?” Nat asks, putting the toilet seat down and sitting in front of Ava, just like at that party.

"I think so," Ava replies, even though it's a lie.

“Haven't seen you puking like this since—” Natalie interrupts herself as she realizes the path the conversation is taking. She blinks slowly, realizing. "Wait a minute. This is not food poisoning. Are you pregnant?”

Ava sighs, suddenly tired. Of course Natalie would eventually notice that she's pregnant before thirteen weeks. "Yes," she whispers, as if she is ashamed that her secret has been revealed.

Nat stares at Ava, trying to read her friend's expressions. “Are we happy with the news?”

“I think so.”

Natalie hastens to hug Ava, who returns the gesture as she closes her eyes. She is thrilled with Nat's affection, but is also concentrating not to puke on her best friend's hair.

“How long have you known?” She questions, sitting back in front of Avey.

“Two weeks, I think. I'm eight weeks pregnant and something. The baby is for February. And no, Connor and I weren't planning. ”

“That's great. A baby. I know you wanted that.” 

Ava never stopped to think about wanting a baby, but now that Natalie has mentioned, she realizes how much she wants this baby, how much she dreamed of being a mother, how much she spent days and nights wishing to feel the unconditional love that all of them say they feel. She wants it. Now, more than never.

“Yeah, I really want it.”

“Are you feeling any anxiety about pregnancy?”

“A little. I am trying to remain optimistic and hopeful, but sometimes I am very afraid. Sometimes I stop doing something or eating a specific food because that's exactly what I was doing when I lost the baby.”

Natalie smiles comfortingly. “I understand your fears, but I'm sure things will work out. Did you tell anyone?”

“No, you're the first person I tell. I want to wait until thirteen weeks to tell other people.”

“I'm flattered to know I'm the first one you tell,” Natalie laughs. "This pregnancy will be great, Ava. You'll see."


	6. NINE WEEKS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you find any mistakes, please let me know!

**July 14, 2019.**

From San Francisco to Palo Alto, the trip takes 37 minutes. Both Connor's and Ava's parents have lived in the city for a few years, and since then, Sundays are for families. Brunch with the Rhodes, dinner with the Bekkers.

On the way to Connor's parents' house for the traditional Sunday family brunch, Ava checks the mirror a few times to check out the dress she's chosen for today. It's a simple black dress with mini daisies on it and spaghetti straps. There is no deep neckline, but with pregnancy, her breasts are much more voluptuous and showing more than she would like.

She straightens the spaghetti strap, trying to put the dress up, but it slips right away. There’s not much she can do. "Perfect. I picked the wrong dress for today's brunch.”

“What are you talking about? You look great in it,” Connor replies, glancing sideways at what his wife is wearing.

“I know, but my breasts grew a lot overnight. I bet ten bucks your mom will find a way to slip it in the middle of the conversation, and will imply that you paid for me to do a boob job.”

“She wouldn't do that. My mom doesn't notice you like that.”

“Sorry, are we talking about the same person?”

Connor's family doesn't like Ava. For Connor's brothers and parents, she is guilty for him leaving his law career to become an owner of a flower shop. They resent Ava for ruining the image of the perfect family they longed for. 

It was a flawless plan. Cornelius Rhodes, one of the best attorneys in the San Francisco Bay Area, and his five attorney children, ready to continue their grandfather Dolan Rhodes' legacy. But then it all began to crumble when Rachel, the middle child, ran away from home when she was eighteen and never showed up again. Connor doesn't know if his parents searched for her, he did it himself, but found nothing. It's like she had vanished.

And after Rachel, the one who destroyed the flawless plan of a perfect family was Connor. At 27, he had everything. He had left law school two years ago and was a rising corporate lawyer in his father's law firm. He had been dating Robin for three years, only a few steps from an engagement with her, and had the unconditional love of his family. Then one May night after work, he met a 22-year-old girl, who was a few days from her graduation, and that changed his life forever.

“Don't worry, okay? If she says something, you can say, I don't know, you're wearing a new bra.” Connor shrugs.

Ava scoffs, “Sure. I’m eagering to talk about my underwear with your family at the brunch table.” She scowls. "Great, now I'm pissed at the very possibility that this might happen."

Connor doesn't tell Ava, but the mood swings as a result of the pregnancy hardly make him angry, in fact, he finds it funny--and a bit cute--how she can go from sentimental to angry in a few minutes.

As Connor parks in front of his father's house, he hears Ava sighing loudly. They get off of the 2015 Jeep Cherokee and pass through the small pedestrian gate, walking along the stone path until they reach the door. Ava rings the doorbell, feeling sick knowing that the time to sit with her husband's family is coming. Maybe the baby doesn't like them either.

"I'll have to work hard not to throw up today," Ava mutters. "I mean, if Henry hasn't already told them all about my pregnancy."

"I know you don't trust him, but--" The door opens and Connor smiles at Elizabeth, his mother, waiting for them there. “Mom, hi.”

“Honey, I'm so glad you're here.” Elizabeth hugs her son, feeling small in Connor's arms. She lets go of him, and stares at Ava, trying to look friendly. “Ava, good to see you too.”

“Hi, Mrs. Rhodes.”

“Come on in. Brunch is already served.”

Connor and Ava come in, and right off the bat they see the whole Rhodes family sitting at the dining room table on the right side just after the foyer. Unconsciously, Ava searches for Connor's hand, holding it. 

Cornelius is at one end of the table--the other end is Elizabeth’s--beside him, Vivian, the youngest, and at the other side, Lee. Henry is sitting next to his mother, what remains for Connor is to sit on the other side and Ava to sit between her husband and Lee. 

“Look who's here! You two are a little late, I must say,” Cornelius jokes--but not so much--as he sees his son and daughter-in-law sitting at the table. 

“Sorry, the traffic was chaotic.” It wasn't, but Connor decides to go the easy path so he doesn’t have to deal with his father.

All the smells that plague the dining room reach Ava's nostrils, and she swallows hard, focusing all her energy on not throwing up. Another symptom of pregnancy: Her nose is much sharper and any fragrance is too intense for her, and she is still in the phase where she doesn't know which food causes aversion and which one she likes. Her taste buds are also a mess.

“Do you want coffee, Mrs. Bekker-Rhodes?” Genevieve, the young French maid, asks Ava, glass carafe in hand.

“Oh no thanks, I'm not drinking coffee.”

“Why not?” Vivian asks, slicing a piece of her omelet with portobello mushrooms. 

“Yeah… I… I decided to stop with coffee for a while. Gastritis. Horrible.” Ava arches her eyebrows, impressed by how quickly she made up a good excuse.

“Are you okay?” Henry asks Ava.

She looks at Connor for a moment, wondering if he just heard what she heard. Is Henry… worried?

"Yes of course. Uh… It's okay.” Ava loses the words for a few seconds. She and Henry are not close, since he had made all the horrible jokes about how marriage is the most terrible thing that can happen to a man for her to hear. Maybe the fact that he's about to be uncle is hitting him. “Just a little nauseous. You know. Gastritis.”

Cornelius and Elizabeth look at each other, not understanding the strange interaction between their eldest son and their daughter-in-law.

“Ava, how's Parker doing?” Lee asks, putting too much maple syrup on his waffle as a 5-year-old would.

Ava focuses not to roll her eyes. Since their engagement party, when Lee and Parker talked for a few moments at the night, Lee has not missed a chance to talk about Ava's older sister. Every time she wants to tell him to move on since a) it's been 5 years they first talked b) Parker is a single mom who doesn't have time to date. Especially him. "She's fine, Lee. She and _Ben_ are fine." Ava makes a point of mentioning her nephew for Lee to cut that out, but he doesn't seem to notice.

The Rhodes family brunch is like every Sunday brunch. They talk about law, hoping that Connor will get excited and decide to be a lawyer again. They ask--in the most passive-aggressive way they can--if Ava's job as a translator is really serious, because "you stay home all the time, I didn't know it exists," and then Vivian says something about some guy whom she spent the night and makes everyone embarrassed, which makes room for Henry to talk about who he spent the night with, which makes everyone even more embarrassed.

It is elegant chaos. No shouting, no swearing, but scathing enough to make everyone uncomfortable. It's the Rhodes family showing Ava every week that her family is much better.

* * *

Ava's parents' house is like the house a 10-year-old would draw in an arts class. Modest, with white fences, the well-trimmed lawn, windows that overlook the street and allow anyone in it to see Cameron and Blake--Ava's siblings--playing Just Dance in the living room.

“God, they're dancing Britney Spears.” Ava peeks out the window while waiting at the door. She already rang the bell, and she could hear her mother saying something like 'Colt, check out the chicken casserole for me. Parker or Ava have arrived!'

"Your brother is a disaster," Connor mumbles smiling, watching Blake make weird moves. “It's a good thing he works with computers.”

“Honey, you're here!” Louisa says as soon as she opens the door. Ava's mother is like an older version of her, but with more wrinkles and an American accent. “We were waiting for you.” She hugs them both as if she hasn't seen them in years.

Ava feels embraced by the warmth and familiarity of her parents' home. Knowing their exact Sunday night routine makes up for the unpredictability of the Rhodes family and the fact that she walks on eggshells every time she is near them. It's like she can breathe after spending the day holding her breath.

"Hi, Ava!" Cameron shouts from the living room. The American accent snitching that Cameron had spent much more time with her mother than with her father. Ava watches her sister for a moment, dancing fast and looking less weird than Blake. “If we were competing, I'd be kicking Blake’s ass!”

"Language!" Louisa warns.

"It's not fair!" Blake complains. His American accent is accentuated, showing that, well, he spent too much time with Cameron and Louisa.

“Come in, dear. Parker will be here in any second, and dinner is almost ready,” Louisa says, leading her daughter and son-in-law into the dining room. “So how was your day?”

Ava and Connor look at each other. 

"Well," Ava replies. “You know, brunch with Connor's family, so we strolled through Palo Alto and now we're here.”

Louisa looks her daughter up and down, noticing something. “There's something different about you, honey. I can't say what, but I know there is.”

Ava bites her lower lip, holding in her throat the news she wants to give in four weeks. It takes a lot of strength not to rush into her mother's arms and announce the pregnancy, but she knows this is not the time. 

Louisa suffered along with Ava after the miscarriage, as if she had also lost a child. She stood by Ava for a whole week, hugged her, and mourned with her daughter like a good mother. So now, Ava doesn't want to give her mother hope. She wants to make sure this baby is coming into the world before her mother gets hurt again.

“Ava bought a new shampoo,” Connor replies. "Maybe it is that. Her hair looks different.”

Something tickles her stomach--she swears it’s not the baby--but because her husband seems to read her mind and knows Ava was very close to telling her mother the truth.

"Honey, good to see you here," Colt says, entering the dining room. His South African accent is strong, leaving no room for doubt where he is from. Ava and Parker inherited this from their father. “Lou, the casserole is ready. Do you know if Parker is coming?”

“I'm here!” Parker shouts from the driveway, and soon she's in the dining room, holding Ben's hand as he walks beside her. “Sorry for being late, Ben and I were having a great time in the park.”

Watching the Bekker family do everything they normally do on Sunday night is one of Connor's favorite activities. It's the kind of situation that makes him understand why Ava is so understanding, warm, and why he loves her so much. The Bekkers are the family Connor wish he had had. They support each other, know each other's life, but without being nosy, cook together, make fun of each other, but without being critical. Every day, he thanks Ava for being with them.

So when Louisa asks everyone if the casserole is alright, when Cameron talks about her week at Family Court, when Parker talks about hedge funds and no one understands but listens anyway, when Colt talks about his times as pediatrician, when Ben makes a silly joke at the table and when Blake explains to his mother why she can't tag Grandma Bekker in the Facebook photos, Connor realizes that life, in fact, was very generous with him.


End file.
